It can happen to anyone, any place, any time…
Those who choose to abuse another person can be successful, educated, active, healthy and capable individuals. They may present as a caring partner or parent. Many are involved with the community and in their children’s lives. Often they commit the abuse only in secret and out of the public eye. Recognizing an abusive relationship can be hard to do if someone is emotionally connected to the abuser, has been dealing with it for a long time or has only ever been with an abusive partner. Each situation is different but some of the indicators below will almost always be present in an abusive relationship.
Not always but often a batterer…
- Says he is concerned about your safety – so he will follow you.
- Says he doesn’t want you to make a mistake – so he decides for you.
- Says you need his help – so he takes charge of the money.
- Says others will hurt you – so he checks where you go.
- Says people are using you – so he questions your friendships.
- Says you look pretty – so he decides what you wear.
- Says your family is too much drama – so don’t call them back.
- Says to behave – so he doesn’t have to hurt you.
- …feel afraid of your partner most of the time?
- …avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
- …feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
- …believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
- …wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
- …feel emotionally numb or helpless?
Has your partner ever?
- …punched a hole in the wall when he was mad?
- …told you it is your job-just do it?
- …ignored or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
- …humiliated you in front of others?
- …blamed you for his violence?
- …hurt you, or threatened to hurt or kill you?
- …threatened to take your children away or harm them?
- …threatened to commit suicide if you leave?
- …forced you to have sex?
- …destroyed your belongings?